"Am I bad?"
"Is there something wrong with me?"
"It’s so… it’s so…why am I like this?”
I’ve said things like this after some of my kinkiest play times. My head fills with words like wrong, bad, extreme, twisted, perverted, dirty. I am filled with doubt. Usually it’s in those quiet moments afterwards where I’m hiding my face and breathless and feeling very Little. My inner feminist warrior hates that I ask, hates that my subconscious attacks me with shame and these insecure questions.
I am fortunate to have a partner who holds me in those moments and tells me that I’m perfect and that there is nothing wrong with my desires. Who encourages me to own even my kinkiest thoughts and wants. Who never judges me for even my most obscene day dreams.
I’ve noticed too that these questions become less common over time. The more I explore, the more I am reassured, the more comfortable I become with my own sexuality. Things that would have made me blush and stammer a few years ago are things that I can defend with a confident grin now to even my most vanilla friends.
And I love that.
Fuck just accepting, we should revel in our bodies and their abilities. We should face our desires with curiosity and a sense of adventure. Nobody should make us feel wrong for wanting to experience our bodies and our imaginations to their fullest extents.